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Happy Camper

Guess who???  The Queen of Hearts herself, of course, I am a happy camper, because I refuse to live my life with tear-filled eyes and sadness every single day…

I had NOT always been a “happy camper” but I am now, so, and like I had said before, what’s in the now is the important thing, so take that, folks!!!

The ingredients to a “happy camper” is: one human being, of course, a pinch of blind optimism, a sprinkle of happy dust, and a twist of attitude, simple as that, you can be a happy camper too, just change the way you see things, I did, and look where it got me, to heaven…

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, ha-lle-lu-jah, from the chorus of the Requiem, I think, don’t know for sure…start thinking happy and you will BE happy, look at me, I am living proof of that!!!

Bystander Effect

This is the other “portion” of the soc psy concept of the diffusion of responsibility…

What this is, is that as the number of onlookers increase, the likelihood of anyone of them to help decreases by a hell of a lot.  For example, someone was ran over by a 18-wheeler, if there was only one witness, he or she would be 100% the one to call for help, but if there were two onlookers, then, the responsibility got split to 50-50, now imagine if there are 1000 onlookers at some event where someone needs an ambulance, or else, that individual would die, guess what would happen???  You got it: you do it, no you do it, no you do it, uh, I don’t want to be the bearer of “bad news” are you kidding me, this is total BULLSHIT is what it is, think about it a person is dying for heaven’s sake, it does NOT matter if you are the only one to witness this shit going downtown or if you are among the thousands of individuals out there watching this whole thing, you had better call the cops, because that would be what a responsible adult would do…or maybe I’m wrong on this, who knows, who cares, I sure as HELL don’t, not anymore!!!

Gag Order

A gag order is when the court states that everybody who participated in the case do NOT talk about it, it includes all the population, the juries, the lawyers, along with all those other onlookers…

Well, I had been gag ordered, not by a court, mind you, but by myself, why, would the Queen gag order herself, you ask???  Well, because she does NOT have a need to speak to anybody anymore, because NOBODY except for the QUEEN herself is listening, so why bother open my big mouth, to physically speak, and no this does NOT constitute as the “silent treatment”, because when I speak, physically, nobody listens, nobody in my whole damn family gives a shit about me to start with, I am just a stone throw away, but this stone thrown away is becoming more powerful by the nanosecond and stronger too, so it doesn’t matter anymore…now, I just sing to my CD’s, here in R.O.C., look it up if you don’t know where that is at!!!

So, basically, I gag ordered myself, to not open my big mouth to tell anybody anything, within my so-called “family”, and they have no one to blame, but themselves, and trust me, my mother’s precious son will pay dearly for this shit, I don’t wish ill on my little bro, but his health is already flashing red light, and now that his mommy treats his big sis exactly the same way she did, there is nothing to do, I thought that my little bro would be saved, but apparently, I was wrong and there is simply nothing left to be done here, but to watch everything fall into its rightful places…

Sorry, thought way too fast still!!!

Weight of the World

Weight of the world is not actually the weight of this stupid outside world, but one’s own family situations, think about it, when you were little, who is in your “world”???  My guess would be your mommies and your daddies, and when your mommies & daddies fight for who gets the right side of the bed, who suffered???  Uh, D-U-H, go take a look in the mirror, folks and that reflection would be who!!!

I thought that I had to protect this not-yet-conceived baby girl of mine from taking all the pains in, but I figured it out soon enough, yay me!!!  All HAIL to the QUEEN…

So, now that you stupid “adults” know, how are you going to deal with it next time you two have a disagreement???  Duke it out, throw knives at one another, or calmly sit down with your offspring and talk it all out???  Uh…I dunno…you have got to be kidding me on this folk, and yes, I am an old Hag, mentally, but on the outside, I look like a teenager………ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I will never age, maybe to some of you ladies out there, it is a good thing, but to me, it was not, but hey now, I don’t give a SHIT!!!

Bottomline: stop making your offspring pay for your sins, what the HELL, do you NOT have any “sense”???

Live for Today

Something that is quite simple, but hard to achieve, think about it folks, how many of you live in your pasts, by that I mean, you let whatever the HELL that had occurred in your pasts bug the HELL out of you??? And how many of you dumb “adults” (those who hadn’t found your inner lost child yet!!!) plan for tomorrow??? Look around the class, kids, everybody raised their hands, so what does that tell us???  That is right, we often forget about living in the moment, the now, T-O-D-A-Y, go print out an enlarged version of the word TODAY and put it on your desk, or magnet it onto your fridges, or wherever it is you will pass by every single day, so it serves as a REMINDER, like those paper due dates that you used to have to whatever…

Traditions Are POINTLESS

Think about it, take Christmas for example, the tradition is to put up all those lights, and kiss under the mistletoe, have a tree and present under it, right???

Well, why the hell would you spend HOURS or even DAYS to try to set up those lights so they look like a snowman, only to take it down after a few days, back in my community in Sugar Land, I think you would receive a letter from the home owners’ association if you have those stupid lights on Dec. 20^th, let’s say, and take it off on the 31^st, that is only 12 days, it is totally POINTLESS, and the stupid thing about kissing under the mistletoe, never done it before, by the way, those of you interested in knowing, that is, what the hell is that about???  So what you are saying to me is that during Christmas you are allowed to kiss under some fake plant, while the rest of the year you kiss under the ground???  What the H-E-L-L??? A question from the Q-U-E-E-N that she would be interested in the answers to…

Situations Created by My Daddy’s Soon-to-Be Ex-Son-in-Law

1.    That whatever told me “you are already family” to which I replied “just see me as a protective little sis then”…when in actuality, I am his biologically correct “wife”, and that moron comes up with shits like “in-breeding” uh, are you kidding me, even if his parents adopted me as one of their own kids, and we get together it would still NOT be “in-breeding”…uh, hello, Asian (me), Caucasian (wife)

2.    I used ALL CAPS to stress my point, and one time, that whatever was chatting & I used all caps, my “wife” said “Stop yelling at me”, uh, how the hell would you know that I was yellin’ at you, did your freaking messenger shake with fear???

3.    One time, it was late over there, and he was still logged on and I told him, via chat, go to bed, and he just logs off, and went to bed??? OMG, my old man A-S-S was NOT even 1/4 as compliant as he, I used to have to nag him so many times to go to sleep at Count Dracula’s place…

4.    That dude got jealous when I told him that back in H.S. there was this clown who follows me around, out in the T-shacks, and say to everybody, hey y’all move out of the way, the QB of the football team’s comin’ through…

5.    Turned me into a “mommy” & I don’t like nor do I want to become a “mommy”

6.    Thought 4 me, put words into my big mouth, uh, I got a big enough mouth, so I do NOT need whatever to think 4 me

7.    More of a worrywart than I am

8.    Sent so many messages during the days that I had no access to the Internet, failure to establish “object permanence” just because you don’t see me, it does NOT mean that I ceased to exist…

9.    Apologizes even when didn’t do anything to offend me (over-courteous)

10. Worried a lot about how my parents would feel about him, how to make a good first impression and such crap (are you kidding me…)uh, is “she” marrying me or my whole family???

And these are just the preliminaries…there’s gonna be a whole life time worth of shit like these (am I unlucky or am I unlucky???)

Reasons Why September 11^th Occurred

1.    The Good Ol’ U.S. of A thinks that it is the justice of the peace for the entire globe, so it butted into too many “international” affairs, think about it, if Pearl Harbor was NOT bombed in WWI or WWII, would the USA join into the Allied Powers, uh, HELL NO!!!

2.    They had viewed themselves as the “justice of the Peace” for the world, are you kidding me??? Take care of those people in need within your land first, then maybe provide aid

3.    The attackers’ countries are tired of being “taken care of”, they want to take care of their own business, internally, that is, meaning, they had wanted to solve the problems in their countries all by themselves, but the U.S. keeps on butting in, and they got real tired of it

I think these three are big enough, don’t you???

X’Mas Came Early this Year

Guess what all??? Christmas came early this year for me, why you ask???  Well, the Queen’s mum bought her a new pair of earphones for her to listen to the music CD’s on her laptop, finally, it’s about time that I received some attention and respect, it was LONG OVERDUE, but it finally came, she thinks she can buy me stuff to ease her guilty conscience, BULLSHIT!!!  She will never be able to rest at night as well as the QUEEN of HEARTS in her small chambers with the two demon guard dogs…can’t wait to open the rest of my presents…yeah right, as if, you have GOT to be kidding me, I am NOT that easily bought, and plus, even if they buy me all the stuff in the world, it will NEVER ease their guilty conscience, my turn, to just sit back, relax and watch everything fall into its rightful places, 26 years, and it finally came too!!! It’s been a long time coming…

You Take What’s Comin’ if you DON’T CLEAN UP YOUR ACTS, it took me 26 freakin’ years to finally reach this MOMENT OF GLORY, and ALL I can say is: It’s ALL BEEN WORTH IT!!!  Y-E-S!!!!!!

Discord in the Household

As of right now, August 15, 2008, 4:22 a.m. there is currently a freaking God Damn “argument”, shall we say, about $$$ between the ABUSER & my mommy, it is so fun to watch, been waiting for this MOMENT of GLORY for since don’t know when, and revenge IS mine, yay me, I am so good, and look, I don’t even have to do anything, I just sit here, at my laptop with my earphones on, they are currently arguing about how Old Man A-S-S had pushed mommy 4 divorce, yeah right, you have got to be kidding me…what comes around goes around or was it what goes around comes around, I forgot, anyways, this is just another example, to show you that you had BETTER NOT take advantage of anyone, and you had better keep a pure heart, and by that, I mean, do NOT use lowly methods in “dealing” with whatever the heck it is that you encounter in your lives…

Note to the QUEEN: This “moment of glory” has finally come, thought I’d feel on top of the world, but, my fat behind is firmly planted on my chair…oh well, it is still very fun to watch, now, all you nice people out there, play it safe, and don’t HURT anybody, or ELSE, you WILL take what’s coming, square on the chin, or maybe on your pretty little faces…

What the H-E-L-L are y’all sticking ‘round here for, shows over, remember to take your empty containers of popcorn, drinks, whatever as you orderly EXIT the freakin’ building!!!

THE END OF THE ABUSE CYCLE…yay us (me and old man A-S-S, against the WORLD!!!)

Play nice now, kids…

This Day Will FOREVER Go Down in MY Personal History

August 15, 2008, this is the day that will FOREVER go down in MY personal history period.  I had suffered since don’t even know when, but it is finally over, and I get to see everybody who made us suffer suffer, now don’t get me wrong, I am not doing ANYTHING, I am just sitting quietly as always, with my earphones on to the music of Ms. Jewel Kilcher, and watching the wind blow by, I guess!!!

I had wanted revenge on my so-called kinfolk for putting me & Old Man A-S-S through H-E-L-L, and I am watching this like it’s the Soap during the afternoon hours, those are garbage, by the way, in my opinion, still!!!

There WILL COME A DAY, and that day is TODAY…

Thank the heavens above for this moment of glory!!!

Now, me and my baby girl, Old Man A-S-S & his baby boy, his soon-to-be ex-son-in-law & his baby boy can start our lives anew….hurray for Madeline (from the Cartoon on Disney Channel, one of my favorites)…all the bruises and bumps had all been more than worth it!!! 19 years is a long long time to wait for someone to come around, don’t you think???

Closed the FINAL Chapter of MY Life

All the actors/actress/screenwriters please come to the podium, so ordered the Q-U-E-E-N!!!

I had closed the FINAL chapter of this “suffrage movement” in MY life, and it feels amazing, I still keep a face without any expressions, because that is what I had been good at, it takes years to get this good, and no, don’t try this at home, kids, because it IS dangerous to mess with the “adult” world, while to all you stupid adults, DON’T MESS WITH US, or ELSE, we will get you back, and you don’t know when, only we do, so stop treating us like stupid, dumbasses, because you are the stupid & the dumb ones, and remember us children may forgive but we will NEVER FORGET!!!  So, don’t mess with us, or else, you will take whatever the HECK’s comin’ your way!!!

And yeah, still at age 26, and still young on the outside, but OLD as a 120 yr old witch/monster type thingy on the inside…

Silence is golden and silence sometimes KILLS, depending on the situations!!!  Give and take, that’s what it’s ALL about…

Healthcare Issues

I am NOT talking about the kinds that you take with a pencil & paper back in your school days, I am talking about those things where you get poked at by docs with needles and whatever…

My Health is PERFECT, physically speaking, I had never been sick, well, except those two huge brain things, and I will NEVER have any more health issues, except this stupid getting pregnant shit, but hey, who cares, I had already had my revenge!!!

Health Coverage is great over here, unlike back home, where I could NOT get any because of my previous “medical history”…I believe that the U.S. should have a universal health care system thingy, so even the poor can afford to get ill, I mean, think about it, how much does it cost a night to stay at one of the “hotels” over there???  Uh, somewhere up in the thousands, and what if you need your whatever taken out, uh, add about a million dollar to that and what about your meals???  Add about three million more dollars to that and cha-ching, your total comes out to: 4 million and some thousands of USD’s, and now you tell me, why the HELL is it that in the U.S. only the rich are allowed to get sick…this is just so not fair, I mean, the poor still gets sick, but simply because they are unable to afford the medical bills, the stupid hospitals push and shove them around, pass them off to the next available customer service counter, now you tell me, is that right???  Uh, HELL NO…and I know how hard it must be for all you little freaking God DAMN politicians to say “H-H-H, what???” and this is WHY I would need double citizenship, because the country of my main citizenship, Ol’ Glory, failed to look out for those who has a medical history, but hello, they are H-I-S-T-O-R_Y, meaning, buh-bye, BIRDIE, are you kidding me???  All I can do is still just keep my BIG MOUTH open, and hope that I am screaming LOUD enough for some of you who know others who may know yet others, who are able to influence change, but perhaps that is just a very faraway (millions of light years) dream, but hey, you can’t blame me for livin’ in fantasy land, because the real world is still just way too harsh…

ONE Q for all you sons-of-whatever on Capitol Hill: are the poor not people??? Are those with past medical histories not people???  And, what the HELL, you had better change, or else, I still DON’T have the time to come after you losers, but you will TAKE whatever the HELL that’s coming your way, and no, that is STILL NOT a T-H-R-E-A-T, okay???  Are you kidding me here???  Man, it’s like talking to people on oxygen tanks…oh well, like I had said, I am the head nurse at the nursing home call the WORLD!!!

Self-Doubt

This is a big HELL NO in my book, because this is the beginning of a downward spiral…

Plus, why the HELL would anybody, doubt what you had done, uh, are you serious, my mother is currently at doubt with her decisions to have taken us to the States way back when, due to the argument/civil “discussion” she was having with the wicked witch of the West…are you kidding me, that, as my little bro like to say: Kirby’s mom, Kirby’s a dog, by the way, those of you who don’t know what that means, you will seriously be screwed over tenfold!!!

If she hadn’t taken us there, I would NOT have been able to even graduate from Jr. High, because of the testing shit that they administer.  And my good mommy’s doubting her decision, but it was the only choice she could make, I mean, she was cheated on, screwed over by my father’s blood relative, so it was NOT, I repeat N-O-T her fault, any of you have any difference of opinion, you let me know, and I will beat the CRAPSHIT out of you, and trust me, that will NOT be pretty!!!

Sorry, gettin’ off topic here…it was NOT my mother’s fault, plus, this place hold just as much sadness for her as it did for me, and we both felt the urge to run to a place so we could get a brand new start, and sure, she did my homework (oops, parents, sorry) for the first few years, she wrote my research paper back in either High School/Middle school, don’t even remember now…and she is only now experiencing self-doubt, due to what the Wicked Witch of the West had told her, see that old hag is still pushing us, and it is our turn to FIGHT BACK, and we will NOT be beaten, we will work as a team, to defeat the Axis of all Evils, and by the time that we are through, they will NOT be able to screw my cousins over anymore, because I say so, anybody got any questions, you let me know???  See, the Use/Abuse Cycle is still going in my personal life, and I still feel very protective toward my mommy, she is still the BEST mommy that any child can ask for…

Love Thy Neighbor???

I think this is a “rule” of the Bible, well, tell you what, abandon it, why, you ask???  Well, like my neighbors here, one house, don’t know who, started hitting this wooden thingy as a Buddhist ritual at sometime around 5, and I lived in the room that was right next to it, imagine how early I was awaken by that, before mommy changed rooms with me…Another one, on the back of our apartment, that whatever said “hey, please don’t let your water run at 7 a.m., my husband is still sleeping”, and there is yet another neighbor, that lives on top of us, who says to my mother: please clean up your level, are you kidding me, why the H-E-L-L should we??? Uh, that is “public area” that is NOT our responsibility…now you tell me, the rule in the Bible that says “love thy neighbor” is that right, but what if they had disturbed your way of life, do you still “love” them, or should you give them a taste of their own medicine???  I know what the Q-U-E-E-N would do already, give them a taste of their OWN bitter medicine, to teach them a lesson, so now the case is again presented, you tell me, who’s at fault here???  Respect works both ways, if someone doesn’t respect you, why the HELL would you respect them, love everyone, are you kidding me, an EYE for an EYE, trust me, works better every single time, give them a taste of their own meds, without water, let them choke on it, and ask, how are you today, are you SURE you want to mess with me/my family???  I can bet you 110% that they would be silenced!!!  Love Thy Neighbors does NOT work in the REAL WORLD…trust me on this!!!

Gone Missing, Lesson taught by the Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid was curious about her surrounding environment, under the sea, that is, and one day, she snuck out of her father’s castle, after curfew, because she wanted to see what is up there, above the waters, that is…

So she went up to the surface, and there was a lighthouse that shone brightly that attracted her and she swam towards it, and the lighthouse keeper, an older gentleman of 65, saw her, and said, hey little girl, what are you still doing out this late, aren’t your parents worried???  Before the Little Mermaid could answer, the older gentleman said “how about this, let’s make a deal, if you promise not to sneak out during curfew, I will leave something special every week in the ocean for you???”  The Little Mermaid asked “Well, how will I get it???”  The gent said, “well you just follow the light as you did today!!!”  “What will you leave for me”, asked the curious mermaid.  He said “until you get your behind home little missy, I will not tell you…”  The Little Mermaid’s curious nature got the better of her so she swam back into her father’s huge castle, where everyone was awaken by her disappearance, and she was grounded for her curiosity, and she still looked forward to the day when she will be done serving her “sentence” for the crime she had committed, so she can find out what exactly the older gent had left for her.

See, who says you need a “prince-dumbass dude” in a story for it to be fun to read???

Moral of the story: Don’t break your curfew, or you WILL get grounded by your parents, not because you broke the curfew, but because they were worried sick to their stomach about your whereabouts, and if you have a dog or any kind of pet, and they run away one day, how will you feel???  Multiply that times infinity, and THAT would be how worried your parents will be if they don’t know your whereabouts, as for the Queen of Hearts, well, she never broke her “curfew” because she NEVER needed one, she was a good girl, always came right home after school, unless there were some fun volunteer meetings (i.e. American Red Cross, Teachers Association of Future Educators, Home Ec club, or marching band practice~~Yuck!!!)  Bottomline: you don’t have to act out to have all the fun, look at me, I never skipped curfew (never needed one), never drove drunk (gotten drunk once and that was ENOUGH), never did drugs whatever (went to a thing from the D.A.R.E.), plus I have very good self-control, so…my parents NEVER had to worry about my acting out, all I did was threw stuff at the walls during that time of the month, and got really really extremely completely ticked off at any and everything around that time of the month.  Basically because I internalized everything, unlike, yeah you know, that, who had externalized every single angry moment in his (biologically) past!!!

Narrative of a Forgotten/Thrown Away Toy

I was once brand new, when I was newly made, people took me to a huge store, I was mass produced at Christmas, for parents to give to their offspring.  And for awhile, I sat under the Christmas tree, at an unnoticeable corner, and when my little owner saw me, s/he was so excited, I thought I had found a place where I belonged, that this was going to be my permanent home, and s/he played with me everyday for awhile, about 15 days, I suppose, can’t count, those 15 days were the happiest of my “life”, then, my little owner started to ignore me, like I had never existed, that I had become invisible, I felt sad, how, how could this possibly be, was it something I had done wrong, or was it because I was the wrong color, I still couldn’t figure out, and now, I am sitting on the curbside in a dark bag, oh, I hear some noise, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I am lifted up, and umph, I landed somewhere, help me get out, I called desperately, but nobody heard, and the noise stopped, and wait, I see the light, an old man, with a beard, he picked me up, I looked at him, he looked at me, and he took me to his shop, fixed me up, and gave me to the kids at the orphanage, and now I am highly popular, wow, I was thrown away, but I am loved by all the little children, they passed me, I love all of them…

Moral of the Story: if you must, buy your offspring new X’mas presents, but don’t just throw last year’s toys away, donate it, so they would make those kids at the orphanage or the children’s hospital happy, don’t let it go to waste, you can brighten up a child’s day by a whole lot!!!

Check Mate

This is what someone calls in a game of chess, I believe, feel free to correct me if I am wrong!!!

I had been check mated all my freaking life, and now, it is my turn to call all of my so-called family, those related to me by blood, my mother, my father, my uncle on my father’s side OUT, why, would the Queen of Hearts do such a thing you wonder???  Well, because I have HAD it WITH ALL OF THIS NONSENSE, I had been on the receiving end of this whole abuse, although I was NOT physically beaten up until I bled, but I might have well been, they had been beating me in my heart, and yeah, maybe, maybe I was way too sensitive, but that was NOT my fault here, that is the way I was “build”, “pre-wired”, and there is NOTHING I can do to change that…it is INBORN, like your personalities!!!

And no I am still not angry, because THIS is MY FUCKING LIFE and I still take FULL RESPONSIBILITIES for it, because what other choice do I have???

Who’s the Parent Again???

One question of interest value, meaning that if anybody out there with a pulse, can give me a satisfactory reply, you will earn yourselves an early Christmas bonus, not in $$$, like I am really going to wire money into your accounts, don’t be stupid!!!

I had been the adult in this parent-child relationship, I parented my own mother, my own father, who now acts more like my son, are you kidding me, and I have a good friend whom I had met thru my English teacher’s training, she mothers her mother, her mother is a single parent and she wants to go overseas to the States to work on a graduate degree, but she worries how her mother would adapt without her!!!  All the “parents”, meaning those with biological offspring, meaning that your wives had given birth through her birth canal, what the hell is all of y’all’s problem??? You have got to be kidding me, am I right, or am I right, start acting and behaving like responsible “adults” or else, I still don’t have time to hunt every single one of ya losers out there, but trust me, something is brewing, in your futures, I don’t know what, but I know that something will happen if you don’t change your ways…

All We Had was a Tape Recorder to Put Us to Sleep

Remember when we were little, at bed time, our mother would always put on these story 8-track tapes, to help us ease into our sweet dreams, because she did NOT make the time to tuck her kids into bed, like how good parents would do it…

I remember that after those well-listened to story tapes popped up, meaning someone needs to get up, get to the machine, pop it open, and turn the tape to the other side, literally, and me and that idiotic little bro of mine, would always say “You do it, no you do it” we ended up taking turns, I think, don’t remember…

Which is why on my way back to TX to see my Sweeney Todd, I had bought so many children’s books, I was intending on reading these stories to my baby Emily, who has now ceased to exist, and now, I will be reading them to myself, along with some novels I bought here, this time around!!!

I would have made a great mother to my baby Emily, but, now that she had “died”, I am still not sad, in fact, I am very happy for her, at least she did NOT have to take the weight of the world on her tiny little shoulders, and just like my “son”, aka, Old Man A-S-S, I would have given her the Moon or the Stars, if she only opens her mouth to ask them of me, but knowing me, she will NOT, and all I want was a piano, I had to use the Great Wall of China thing to prove my point to everybody!!!  Now, I will still read these stories at bed time, to myself and my inner child, who is currently sleeping quietly, no longer weeping…sad, isn’t it???  Well, that is L-I-F-E…

Read My Rights

“I Have the right to remain silent, anything I say, can, and will be hold against me in the court of law, I have the right to an attorney, blah, blah, b-l-a-h…”

I have just read myself my rights, like I am being arrest for drunk driving, that is what the cops say, ain’t it???  Feel free to correct me, all you cop populations out there!!!

And I will be taking this “vow” of silence from here on out, talking-wise, I will NOT open my mouth to communicate my needs (like I have anymore!!!) to those called “family”, except maybe my Old Man A-S-S, when I need something from him and trust me, when I say this: He WILL DELIVER!!!

I am just not physically talking, but that does NOT mean that my mouth is nailed shut, I can still talk with my words, you know???

Taking Anything Else Lying Down

I, for one, will NEVER again, take anything else lying down, not what you are thinking, m-e-n, I am not taking about what plagues all you male pigs’ minds day & night, and even in your most peaceful dreams.  I am talking about anything else that LIFE has in store for me, and guess what I will NOT allow anybody else take anything else lying down either, by pushing them to excel, to go for the moon, to chase their dreams, to do whatever their hearts desires, as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody outside of their physical selves…

I had been taking things lying down for way too long, I have had it, and I am standing UP, I will NEVER again, lose another battle or war, and I will lead my troop of children into all your homes and kill all of you stupid adults, so you won’t be able to hurt any of the “children” again!!!
Bottomline is this: don’t think, for one nanosecond, that your “good deeds” will go unpunished, and no, the QUEEN has better things to do than to play with all you losers, you will TAKE whatever comes your way, if you don’t change and stop hurting one another!!!

Note to self: THIS is why there is a necessity for my bloodline legacy, but it will apparently stop with me, so, who cares how screwed this globe will become after I’m gone, meaning, dead and buried, my coffin nailed shut, as if I’d give a damn, hello, are you kidding me, or is it yourselves that you are kidding right now???

A Nurse at the Old Folks’ Home

Hi, how are we doing today???  Let me open those ugly drapers for you, you should let the sun in sometimes, it is not healthy, to live in the dark you know???  

How are your kids, grandkids, etc???  Had they come in yet???  No, oh, well, don’t worry, I’m sure that they’re just tied up, you know how those kids are these days…

Here, take these, you need these to help keep your strengths up, so when your kinfolks do come to visit, you would have the strength to chit-chat, and we don’t want you to fall asleep on their visit now, do we???  Of course NOT…

Hey, I also have a future as a nursing home caretaking attendant person, who’d thought, huh???  Never worked at a nursing home for pay, only visited the elderly as I was working as a volunteer in the American Red Cross, Nursing Home Committee…and guess what, I only missed ONE visit, because it conflicted with my driver’s ed class, I think, but I was totally involved, meaning I chipped in with my ideas when we planned these visits for the club!!!

THAT was the only good part of my 3 years of H.S. “Career”, volunteer, at the events, and the coordinator of our Youth Expanding Services program, Mrs. Brown, aka. Sra. Café, she was totally an elegant bitch, she used to say “Oh, I was ‘voted’ the Teacher of the Year,” to make us be quiet when the class got too loud that it interfered with her personal shit during class time…and there’s that tub of lard, Dr. Segal, who was our pre-algebra, or algebra teacher, who would sneak in foods and eat, like a thief behind her desk, last I heard, she had been accused of molesting some kid, and was suspended by the Fort Bend ISD of Sugar Land, TX, and where she is now, I have no clue, I hope she serves the rest of all eternity in H-E-L-L, and yeah, that was when I had a fear of math, not because I couldn’t do it, but because of the way that Old Man A-S-S had taught it to me back in elementary school, he would scream and yell, and after I had cried like a baby, and the papers are tear-stained, he would apologize to me at bed time, and say: Hey baby girl, that was only my way of getting through to your neurons, they need all the stimulation they can get, you know???  He did NOT use the word “neurons”, that was the Queen’s personal touch, I mean, what a way to damage a child’s self-esteem, are you kidding me??? D-A-D, and thanks once again for NADA, everything I got, I earned it by myself, you had NOTHING to do with how I become who I am, except for the X chromosome, so another “sperm-donor” just like his soon-to-be ex-son-in-law, and now, I will not be taking in any sperm donations, so pack it up, boys, or else, I will SMACK ALL OF YOU ACROSS YOUR FACES and remember to RESPECT US “WOMENFOLK” in your lives!!!

Hey how the HELL did I get from Nursing Home to covering 4^th or 5^th grade mathematics???
Stomach Problems

Indigestion, gas, ulcers, you name ‘em, I have gotten ‘em, I have had a “weak stomach”, used to barf all over the place, right after I had been fed my bottle, or at least so I was told…

I developed an ulcer, sometime around H.S., because of my mood swings, I guess, my maternal grandfather, he died of stomach cancer, it was related to his bad moods, he was so unhappy, thought that the whole world had owed him, he did not make general in the army, he was always just one rank below, and he hated, felt like everyone owed him, leading him to his bad moods, leading him to get cancer in the stomach….

I will NOT be having any more stomach problems, aside from the occasional slip-ups: burps, farts, etc, and yes, ladies, I fart too, just like the rest of ya…it is NOTHING to be ashamed of you know, it is all natural, if you don’t, then you really have a serious health problem.

Stomach is related to mood, or at least, that is what I had come to believe, based off of my own experience and those of my family members’.  Hey, maybe I can be the guest speaker at a medical conference after all…nah, who goes to those kinds of stuff anyways, oh, wait, that idiotic German shrink, dude that told me he was going to be in Japan awhile back, and wanted to meet me, called me a “spoiled brat” if you can believe it, and before I had gotten yanked off of the “life support”, he was contradicting himself, because I had helped him to almost discover his lost inner child, and THIS is the thanks that I get, called bad names, but in this case: STICKS & STONES may break My BONES, but Words will NEVER Hurt Me!!!  Unlike awhile back when I had claimed “Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will ALWAYS hurt more!!”  Every situation is different, therefore, it will require different ways of handling it…

And knowing me & my Old Man A-S-S, this nonexistent child of mine, she too, will develop some minor stomach issues, but it would be nothing that I can’t handle…

I Just Want to Free Float

I just want to free float

Out on the Seven Seas

I have no more place that I belong

Now that my roots are yanked

I only want to free flat

For maybe just a little while

Or the rest of this life

Modern Day Caveman

Apparently, I had become Lucy, the first “human” in the history of mankind.

I want to live my life, probably to at least I am 120, I’m thinkin’ so about what 90+ yrs to go, who knows???  I had become a modern day caveman, not by choice, but it just is the way to go, I want to be distanced from modern day society, perhaps, go find some unknown island somewhere, where it has NOT been named, or discovered, and just go there, set up my little modern hut, with internet connection and just get connected with the outside world through that, and NO I will NOT be answering any phone calls from anybody, including those of my “kinfolk”…

I am already living a life of a “modern day caveman”, seeing how all I do now is sit here, in front of my laptop, and just come up with stuff like this, and I am still connected with everyone, one of the many perks of the www, I guess...

But my cave will have a big living room, big master bed, which will belong solely to the Q-U-E-E-N, and it will have at least 4 other rooms like my old house back home in Sugar Land, TX, and I will finally be able to let my girl friend come visit!!!

A Modern-Day Cave, at the History Museum, open to all, look, but don’t touch, and feel free to visit our souvenir shop downstairs, as if I will have one, HA!!!  Don’t take anything, because there will BE surveillance 24-7…plus, this modern-day cave will be guarded by my two demon dogs, one, I think, will be a German Shepherd, who will be trained to bite all the intruders, I’m thinkin’…

    Banana

NO, I am once again, NOT talking about those food items, fruits that is harvested by Mexican immigrants…

I am talking about an Asian who has been totally “Americanized”, meaning that the Asian would try to fit into American society, by doing whatever the hell it is those stupid American kids did…

Remember that I wanted to write a definition essay, for my Comp I, back in community college, and when I told my instructor, Ms. Anderson, she said, with this blank look on her face “Banana???  You mean the food item???”  Think I came up with another topic, don’t even remember now!!!

I am NOT a BANANA, because I am still very Chinese in the Heart, and I will NEVER be a BANANA either, so if you people out there dare call anybody a “banana”, whether or not there is degradation in the call or just as a joke, watch out, because the other person just might punch your lights out, the way I would…

    Time Loop

It seems that I had been living in a time loop, those sci-fi things where time just keeps on repeating itself for unknown reasons.  My pasts had come back to “haunt” me, and now that I had gotten over my personal histories, it is still going around, around, around, like those merry-go-‘round things with horses & carriages you see at amusement parks and such.

I feel this way, mainly due to my Old Man A-S-S and his soon-to-be ex-son-in-law, my whatever.  I had snapped out of this time loop already, moved on, mind you, but it just keeps coming back to me around around and around, what the hell???

I know I am NOT the only one who’s experiencing this shit, or am I???  I truly hope that none of you folks out there live in a stupid time loop like I am doing right now, but I do it because I have to, you, you have the choice to jump out, and I would suggest you folks JUST DO IT, like the logo, or the key phrase of those Nike shoes commercials!!!

I Will NOT Have a Father-Less Child

I will REFUSE to have a fatherless child, because I was once a fatherless child, and that whatever is so ashamed of “hurting” my “pretty little feelings” that he assumed that he had hurt me, are you kidding me???  I mean, did you see my tear-filled eyes, and that IDIOT, he just thinks for me, wears my high heels, and puts on my red dress (as if I would wear any of those things)…and that whatever just can’t snap himself out of this stupid cycle of whatever, like my Old Man A-S-S, leaving me to deal with every single shit that I will have to be put through IF I have this baby girl, so apparently, this child will remain a stillborn, for the rest of all eternity, but hey, who cares, I had become a piece of human history, I am Lucy, the FIRST upright human being, in the history of “man”, so I am still all right!!!

And unless that whatever can promise me that he will stop thinking for me and cut his courtesy shit, I will NOT be having a physical baby girl, but I will still be cuddling with my psychological baby girl every single night…we were parallel lines that went at the same speed, the frequency & timing was exactly right, but it was just too meant to be for it to mean to be I guess…

Sense of Guilt

I have an extremely strong sense of guilt, as does my “wife”, that is why my “grandmother’s” guilt trips had worked on me, and this sense of guilt is a good thing, because it inhibits people from doing bad things, knowing that they would hurt people, but that thing’s sense of guilt is way too big, it is too big that it covers the whole entire UNIVERSE!!!  I have a very strong sense of guilt too, and that was HOW the axis of all evil had controlled me…so in this case, too much of a good thing IS a bad thing!!!

Similarities Between Me & Moses

Sorry if you Bible readers or God Believers see this as degrading to G-O-D…

Moses, based on my knowledge, had parted the Red Sea, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, because I had never touched a Bible in my entire 26 years of life, and I don’t plan to either!!!

I parted the crowd, in a sense that when I walk in the room, I have the ability to draw attention to myself, without meaning to, unlike Old Man A-S-S, he enjoys entertaining, while I only do it when I have a knife shoved up against my throat…

We (Mr. Moses& I) both tried to free others from being oppressed, “Let My People Go” was what he had said, I think, and “Set me free, free me from these chains that had hold me back for 26 years” is what I say…we both had to be free ourselves before we had the abilities to help free others, who are oppressed like we were…skip your Bible studies, and just get out there into the wild outdoors and enjoy some sun with your families, don’t let them slip through your hands like the sand, as my Old Man A-S-S had done, it was totally NOT worth it, not from where Ms. Queen of Hearts is sitting, and Old Man A-S-S, now has a new BOSS…guess who???

Sorry, still thinkin’ way too fast, but I do NOT need to improve, b/c I’m fine just the way I am…yay me!!!

Everywhere

I am everywhere, because I have eyes and ears in all my little children, and I will watch from where I am, and see everything, and all my “troops” will report back to me, without actually reporting to me…

It is a good thing that I can be everywhere, because that way, I can act like a monitor, to help create a safer environment for YOUR children, now, what are you going to do, to help me???  Just sit there on your fat asses and read this???  Yeah, finish this and start doing some damage control for you and your neighbors, I am positive that they would totally appreciate it!!!

Selfish

I was called “selfish” by my own father, believe it or don’t, are you kidding me??? I had been NOTHING BUT selfless, I took care of everybody’s emotional crap instead of focusing on my own growth, now is that selfish???

That son-of-a-whatever is an ingrate, just like the rest of my so-called, dead and buried “family”, but that dude, is the exception, he is the exception in all my rules, he was selfless too, just like I was, but I am NO LONGER SELFLESS, I have to be selfish now, I have learned the hard way, that if I don’t put myself on the top of MY freaking list, I will be drowned, like I should have when I jumped off of the deep end at the pool that time in the hotel, when we went on our “family vacation”…

Now all of you out there, who have the WHOLE story, please tell me, am I selfish, or are those in-grates who are related to me by blood???  You have GOT to be kidding me on this folks…

American Sign Language

Took me a course back at age 11 or 12, back in Kids College, with my two “best friends” from elementary school, and I used that to help out someone who was deaf, a few years later when I took two courses (not for credit) at the community college that I later received my Associates in Behavioral Sci from.

I still remember all the signs, some basics, along with all 26 letters in the alphabet, see some things you NEVER forget, and that is one of my better memories of my past…

I know the basics of ASL, enough to communicate, and that is the main purpose of any language, isn’t it???  Don’t think that you’d have to “master” a language in order to “communicate” because you don’t, there are forms of nonverbal communication, besides the verbal communications that we share with one another…

Wow, when the hell did I become a communications major???  Apparently, I had become a major in every single disciplinary field possible…

Nonverbal vs. Verbal Communication

Don’t know how much is the percentage, but maybe around the neighborhood of 70/30???  Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, I wouldn’t know, was NOT a COMM major, so…

Nonverbal communication is what is said without the words, a smile, a wave, a nod, or whatever…we often communicate using this method without even being aware of it, so don’t think your getting laid off is not written all over your face, and just put on a smile, and acknowledge all who rub shoulders with you every single day, it is only common courtesy, you know???  Because just like all the other emotions, happiness is also contagious, like the flu…

Look It Up

That, was what I had told my Old Man A-S-S, when that son-of-a called me at the restaurant in Houston to ask me about some stupid Spanish term, uh, do I have the words “Free Spanish Dictionary” tattooed anywhere on my face, not the last time I checked…

And my mother rolled her eyes at me then she kindly asked “how could you do that to your father”…well HE needs to learn to help himself, he can’t expect us to wipe his fat, fucked up ass forever, can he???  Uh, H-E-L-L NO, I would have looked it up for him too, if I had the resources, but I didn’t…which corresponds to what I had said before: Illiteracy=Laziness, remember that equation, one of the MOST important ones you will be getting from me, the Q-U-E-E-N!!!

I Can Now Make a Physical Mess & My “Mother” will Clean it UP without a Word

Guess what, the above statement is one million percent true, how cool is that???  I can throw my dirty clothes all over the house, and she will pick it up after me, like my personal maid, but I don’t throw my clothes up to the ceiling where the gum I supposedly chewed had stuck, I am cleaner than that…

I have my own system of order, and if you mess with it, you will be screwed, and plus, after she touches my things, I can’t find them, and I’d have to use that LOUD voice of mine and scream: MOMMY, where is _______________???  I like my “orderly mess” just fine, thank you!!!

Why Do People Get Drunk???

Based off of my research, understanding, whatever, I had come up with some reasons, for WHY people would get drunk…

First let’s divide people into different age groups, mainly 2, under the legal drinking age, meaning below 20, those losers get drunk because “all my friends are doing it”, or “I want to try it out” or whatever other sorry excuses you can think of for yourselves…

The other “group” over the legal drinking age, 21 and up, those “adult” get drunk because they want to relax, because they want an “escape” for whatever the HELL they are trying to avoid, but they often failed to realize that you will see your “troubles” doubled if you use alcohol as a sorry excuse for NOT dealing with whatever problems that you may have in your personal lives…the one I can think of right this minute is when a dude is having marital issues with his lady, he would go to a bar, I’m thinkin’ and order up a I don’t know what’s popular, Budweiser, Budlight, Coors, whatever, and just chugs it down, then 10 to 15 minutes after that, I’m thinkin’ he goes into the can and pukes it all up, what a waste of good beer, and a waste of your money, put your dollars to better use, guys, like donate it to those red tin cans outside of your grocery stores or something, or give it to the homeless man, who looks like he hadn’t eaten for days…

If I Could Have TWO Wishes

Why two??? You ask, great Q, question, that is, well, because just ONE would NOT be enough to teach you male pigs the lessons you need to learn…THAT’s why, you morons!!!

Wish #1: YOU SONS-OF-BITCHES experience our menstrual cycles for a whole month, from the headaches, the bloating, the cramps, along with other sorts of physical symptoms, including, but NOT limited to ankle sores…those are my own “symptoms”, feel free to add more ladies, but I think, mine are enough to cover them, don’t you???

Wish #2: YOU LOSERS carry your own offspring for nine freaking months, experience all the water retentions, morning sickness, and other sorts of crapped out symptoms, that we may go through as we are carrying your offspring, then deliver the baby, through your boys, I think we all know what that means, and then, maybe you losers would start to have some courtesy, some knowledge of what we women have to go through…

Remembered something funny that happened on my cruise, there was this hypnosis show thingy, and when the dude asks some men & women to volunteer, some did, he then asked the lady to be the doctor, while asking one of the losers to feel as if he was delivering a child, that was HILARIOUS, that is what all you ladies should take your losers to before you get hitched, or knocked up, or whatever’d…THAT ought to teach them a lesson to mess with us, WOMEN RULE & MEN SUCK!!!  Any of you losers out there have something you want to say to little old me???  Feel free to comment, but don’t expect any replies, joking…hahaha, to INFINITY & BEYOND, as said by the world famous Toy Story character “BUZZ LIGHTYEAR”!!!

The World is MINE

The world belongs to the QUEEN, because I am the TOP that is why, and plus, it’s like my daddy’s soon-to=be exp-son-in-law told me “Why is a question that requires volumes to answer”!!!

The world is MINE, because I will be overlooking everything, every injustice will be felt by YOURS TRULY, ME, idiots, no offense…hope this does NOT put any dampers onto yourself confidences, plus you shouldn’t let little old me influence you that much any ways!!!

The world belongs to me, I can have whatever the HELL I wanted, but I just want everybody to be okay, to be well taken care of, and for those sons-of-bitches to watch out, and stop exposing us women, and start showing some respect, I am quite positive that your mothers taught you better than that, even if you are a sexual predator, think about it, how would your mother feel if she knows that you are exposing women, or better yet, whenever you feel that “urge” to do whatever comes on, just think about watching your mommies, sisters, or other female family member, grannies would work best, I’m thinkin’, start developing some other hobbies, dudes, or ELSE, you will be HANGED by the QUEEN and I will find a way to get you, and by then your mommies can’t even save you, in fact, I am sure that your mothers would watch you get hanged and clap loudly, as if she were watching the Academy Awards live!!!  And if you are some teenage dudes, get the hell out of this site, because it is NC17, rather than R, or better yet, help me spread the word, and tell your little buddies that someone will kill you losers if you keep looking at those stupid playboy magazines that you hide under your beds, and yeah, I know all about those too, how???  Uh, me to know, and you to find out, if you dare, but I would highly suggest you losers not screw with me, just see me as your big sister who will punish you harsher than your moms would, okay???  Bottom line: the World is MINE & if YOU DARE make a mess, you will pay dearly, not with your lives, but DEARLY, and trust me, you do NOT want to go there!!!

Just call me “Mommy”, “sis”, or whatever, or simply just “TINA” would do…

Reflexes

When your legs pop up when the doctor uses his thing to hit your knees, that is on the biological front, but on the psychological front, it means that the way that you had reacted when you were children, that carried into how you react now…

Another word for this kind of psychological reflexes is instincts.  Think about it, you don’t need to be conditioned for it, like when you would go get your car keys to get a burger when you feel hunger, or when you hear your stomachs starts to growl.

I have very good reflexes, and you had better NOT come up from behind me and grab me, because instinctively I would elbow you right on your ribs, because that is the way I protect myself, think about it, how would you react if some bad guy, comes up from behind you and grab you by the waist, you’d automatically elbow him, regardless where it hits, he will be hurt and he would be licking his wounds, leaving you free to get away…WOW, I can become a self-defense instructor too, who’d thought, huh???  Bottom line, use your instinct and sound judgment, and you will be okay!!!

Again, this is the opinion of someone who is trying to help make this freaking place a lot safer for all the little children as well as adults…I am NOT giving unsolicited advice, unknowingly, like my Old Man A-S-S and his soon-to-be ex-son-in-law, aka CHUCK & LARRY, am I funny or am I funny, don’t answer that, but feel free to laugh out loud, laugh on the inside, or you may not even think that I am funny, whichever suits you best is fine by me…

Moral Dilemma (I LOVE these)

Can’t get enough of ‘em, must love ‘em, kinda like kids, I guess (not 4 me though, just speaking for the general public…)

Well, imagine this: some dude, attempted to kill his wife, because she was having an affair with, let’s say, the dude that works down at the police station, a cop, I suppose, and this dude found out, got pissed, because we all know how you loser feel about infidelity of your wives, while you get to screw around???  (Are you kidding me, sorry, got off topic)…and this dude that murdered his wife gets caught, got sued up to his state’s Supreme Court, and the D.A. some other clown, this is his very first outing, meaning that he still has a conscience, no offense…he tries to find as many details about this case as he can, even visited this “psychokiller”, whose wife was unfaithful, and had pleasant chats with him, and this “psychokiller” dude who had killed because his wife was having an affair with this cop dude, sorry, too many dudes to keep straight…well, then, let’s put it this way A kill B for some freaking reasons, C was hired to argue the case against A, while A chooses NOT to have a lawyer, thank GOD, enough dudes to give even the Queen herself a headache (not!!!), C tried to find out, and did, and just as…in the end, the dude who attempted to murder the Misses gets away, with murder, and since he is his wife’s only next-of-kin so he gets to pull the plug on her, while she still had a pulse, just that she is in a vegetative state currently, but still has a chance, and C finally found some new evidence by digging through the trash, and was able to get to the hospital on time, yay, dude, finally you have some use!!!  Anyways, the D.A. dude gets to sue the dude who had tried to pull the plug on his unfaithful wife, who had killed the cop that she was having an affair with, so in this case, tell me, all…WHO’S to BLAME in this whole mess???  Huh, and don’t you dare say, uh…I don’t know, or the QUEEN of HEARTS herself, because if you use either as your sorry excuses for not exercising your neurons, well, then, my apologies to your neurons, and start using your brains, ladies & gents, turn off your TV’s start having discussion with one another & your family members, and start out with one night a week, until you have this sort of fun stuff 7 days a week, 365 or 366 days per year, depending on if it is a year with a 29-day February or not…turn off those TV’s, and start your thinking engines, because they only get better as you use them…unless you’d like to be a mental vegetable, that just breathes, and takes up useless space, in the forms of a Homo sapiens, then I FINALLY R-E-S-T MY C-A-S-E!!!  The above sample comes from that Ryan Gosling, Anthony Hopkins movie that I had gone to the theaters to see all by my lonesome, without eating any popcorn, I might add… 

Only a Few More Little Moments of Bitterness

This is what I keep telling myself every single moment of my every single day now, because that is what will keep me from going insane and punching my mother’s lights out, and plus, I punch the walls, so, what’s  few bruised knuckles, right???

That BITCH still forces me to take my “meds”, while on my fucking visits to that FUCKING mental hospital, I had told the FUCKING Doctor, that the only thing nuts about me is my unfortunate past, are you kidding me here???  I still suck it up and took it LIKE A MAN, the way I had always done, and I will keep doing so, because that had helped me SURVIVE in the past, and I will keep using this “tactic” even if it failed a couple of times, which hasn’t happened yet, so, it is STILL ALL G-O-O-D!!!

“the doctor said…” FUCK That too, what the HELL would he know, and so what if he has a Doctorate in Psychiatry, that still does NOT make him smarter than I am!!!  Not that I am smarter than all of you guys out there reading this shit or anything, I believe that everybody is smart in his or her own way!!!

Once again, folks, I apologize for using such “foul” language, I know how hard it can be on your eyes, but I use it because I HAVE to!!!

Soon As You Can

When a man wants to be with a woman, there ain’t no way of gettin’ there too fast…can’t wait to start, the rest of your life soon as you can”  from Dierks Bentley…

Maybe this is so, for all you “womenfolk” out there, but I want to delay this shit for long’s I can, because I don’t want to do this E-V-E-R, it is just so not fair, why the hell do I have to be the one to have this child anyways???  And why the hell do I have to lose my virginity to a moron???  On top of that “she” is the exact replica of my Old Man A-S-S, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, will the insanity ever stop???  Apparently, N-E-V-E-R…still don’t know how it is that a smart kid like me, can end up with that…no offense “honey”, yeah right, as if, blah blah B-L-A-H…Performed by the Queen of Hearts, Miss Tina, the Harsh Realist

A Toast

And NO, I am NOT talking about a breakfast item here…

Let’s raise a toast, to saying goodbye to all our yesterdays, to living free, to our happiness today and hopes of tomorrows!!!

My Apologies, b/c I had never raised a toast anywhere before in my life, so, maybe there’s room for improvement, feel free to comment…

Don’t Start to Pretend to Care, You NEVER Did My 26 Yrs of Life, so Why Start Now???

That woman, yeah, you know who I am talkin’ ‘bout.  She now says to me kindly, why child, if I reconnect the service, you will ruin your health by staying online and posting all your stupid little articles, and you will ruin your health b/c you will forget to eat and sleep…  you have GOT to be kidding me on this, are you for real lady, you had never even paid attention to me when I was cryin’ in my heart, so why the fuck (pardon me for the use of language, once again) start now???  Oh, I know, I know, it’s so that you can clear your conscience isn’t it “mom”…well, tell you what, your conscience will NEVER be cleared, just like that old Hag and her husband, who had used and abused me & your poor husband, my poor father…

You, just like them, will feel this “bug”, gnawing at you when you sleep, during the night, and you will NEVER wake up as fully rested as I do now, and maybe it hadn’t set in yet, but trust me, it will, don’t know when, but I am thinkin’ soon enough, so cut the crap and stop treating me with the “fake” courtesies that you had failed to show me in my past!!!  See folks??? HYPOCRISY RIDES AGAIN…and trust me I will YANK it off of its horse so don’t “play” with me ‘k???

This is NO LONGER, I repeat, NO LONGER, F-U-N-N-Y, well, I lied, it is funny & serious at the same time, see inner child at work every single nanosecond…

Sex Symbol

Awhile back, before I started making threats for people’s lives if they don’t stop exposing one another, something strange was happening.  Every single MAN I chatted with on line, most of them were strangers at the time, of course, asks me for my pix, and I would send them the one that my father took of me and that Witch on her birthday, and they all come back apologizing, it was quite bizarre at the time, couldn’t figure out why the HELL, they were so sorry, but figured it out quickly enough, for some unknown reason, they all see me as some “sex symbol” ewwwwwwwwwwwww, G-R-O-S-S, what the H-E-L-L???  Are you kidding me???  Do I look anywhere in the neighborhood of Miss Marilyn Monroe, uh, HELL NO!!! And I told my daddy’s soon-to-be ex-son-in-law about it, he laughed it off…

I had NEVER BEEN, was NOT, is NOT NOW, nor will I EVER BE a Stupid SEX SYMBOL, a BIMBO, without brains, okay, you sons-of-bitches, so just clean up all your acts, or ELSE, and show some respect toward your female counterparts, I am one million percent positive that your mothers had taught you better than that!!!  Bottom line: you sons-of-bitches had better start respecting US, or ELSE, you will be sorry, and mark my words on this, because what goes around comes around…and trust me, when it comes around, it AIN’T GONNA BE PRETTY, ‘k???  Buh-bye!!!  You have got to be kidding me on this, I will swear on this not-yet-conceived child’s life that I won’t even have to baby talk to her, the way I am doing you stupid A-D-U-L-T-S, as for you stupid teenagers, this is an X-rated site, so log off, and start focusing more on your school work, and no, this is NOT your mother speaking, just someone who HAS to mother everybody else’s A-S-S simply because those dumbasses can’t keep themselves intact… you have GOT to be kidding me on this!!! (Name-calling at its best, wouldn’t you folks agree???)

I am still the coolest person I know…ain’t I somethin’???

DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS, because you CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT A-F-F-O-R-D IT!!!

Tendency to Focus on the Lyrics

I have this tendency to focus on the lyrics of a song for some unknown reasons.  I guess, because I am talented in language, who knows??? 

So, basically, for a song, I don’t care who sings it, as long as it’s not Carrie Underwood, can’t stand her sharp voice, no offense sister!!!  As long as it’s got good lyrics, I am more than willing to give it a shot…but since the first station I had turned to when I first arrived in the States was a Country station, I stay with that, plus, all the country songs have meaningful lyrics, at least, in MY opinion, they do…

I took a personality thing way back don’t know when, it said: what do you focus on when you hear a song for the first time, 1. Beat 2. Lyrics 3. Melody 4. Harmony…and mine was lyrics, and the “diagnosis” was that those who have a tendency to focus on the lyrics of a song is hardest to fall in love, and wow, guess what, it IS true, it took me 26 freaking years, my whole life, to fall in the for the very first time, and based off of another personality thingy that I took, it says that once I had fallen in love, I ain’t never fallin’ out!!!  Apparently, stubbornness is at work again here, and if this kid makes it, she, too, will be more stubborn than a stampede of mules, just like her “daddy”…

Still on the Receiving End of Abuse

Hey all, guess what, the QUEEN, aka, Miss Tina Huang, is still on the receiving end of abuse after 26 years, oh my God (doesn’t exist), how could that be, doesn’t her parents know that she had gone through hell???  Uh, yeah, my “parents” know, consciously now, and yet, that bitch, pardon me, for calling her a “bitch”, but she is what she is!!!

She says to me, kindly, I might add, when I asked her to reconnect my “oxygen tank”, that she had knowingly unplugged. She says: oh “honey”, I don’t want all those “psychos” out there to affect your moods is all, BULLSHIT!!!  Are you kidding me, uh, the only one abusing me is you, old lady, the one from whose womb I came out of, and she adds “if only you promise me to NOT spend all your spare time on the Internet, there are just way too many dangers out there, don’t you know???”  Like I am an idiot, and she and my father should have divorced years ago, but they didn’t, and that is how the QUEEN, became the Q-U-E-E-N, I am actually NOT the QUEEN of Hearts, but the Queen of BROKEN HEARTS!!!

And now that you have the whole story, I am asking you to decide WHO is to blame in this whole big MESS???  And don’t you dare tell me it’s the Queen of Broken Hearts, yours truly, ME, Ms. TINA HUANG, because I will really come through your computer with a needle that has the substance in the death penalty, lethal injection and stick you with it, and watch you D-I-E!!!

All in the Line of Love

“Heaven knows life’s got its twists & turns, but if you were lost, on the other side, I’d walk straight through the fire, all in the line of love” Little Texas

I would go through HELL, in a heart be for you, because you are a good person, although you may think that you had hurt me, but you hadn’t, you had healed me, I will NEVER ask you why, because I do what I do, all in the line of love.

I would go to the ends of the Earth of you, I’d trade my hopes and desires, all in the line of love, when we started, we had made promises to one another, and those promises still stands for me, and I know, that they still do for you as well, you just don’t know how to talk to me anymore, but hey, all “couples” go through “rough patches” and I have full confidence that we will make it through ours just fine!!!

More to Me Than Meets the Eyes

There’s always more to me than meets the eyes and yet I am an open book, what I mean is emotion-wise, but there are stuff that are underneath the surface of me, that I am hard to “decode”, I am the only one who holds the keys to all the puzzles that I had created for the outside world to “solve”.

I am an open book, in the sense that I am a straight-forward communicator, if you do something to piss me off, I’d tell you about it, but when it comes to feelings and all the mushy stuff that ladies are made of, I am not an open book, but my emotions are written on my “sweet” face, so don’t worry about decoding me, because I am a WYSIWYG when it comes to all the basic of emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, disappointments, etc…

Who Will Speak for All the Little Children

Who will Speak for All the Little Children if I Don’t

Will You or Will You

I Don’t Want Anybody Else’s Child to Feel the Way I Had as a Child

That, is Why I am Speaking UP and OUT

Because If I, Too, Give Up on Them

They Will Truly Become the Sacrificed and Trust Me

That, Does NOT Feel Good, Because I had been through all of that, so I am Speaking up & Out

In Hopes that Some “parents” out there Can Hear the Cries of A Child Who Was Hurt, who has Now Become a Voice for all those Who are Mute

 Sacrificial Goat

This was the way that I had felt, in my parent’s marriage, like I was just put on the altar, and sacrificed, without being asked how I would feel about it first, and I will NEVER let that happen to my own flesh and blood, because it was NOT a good feeling, and I refuse to put my baby girl through what I had gone through, and it is still up to that, to stare me dead in the eye and tell me that it will NOT happen, because if that whatever can’t promise that, then, there would be no point to even start, bottom line: I do NOT and will REFUSE to put my own baby girl through what my parents had put me through, and this is for all you stupid adults, with offspring, who are arguing every day, throwing plates at one another on a nightly basis, you had BETTER NOT put your kids through what I had gone through, or else, they will end up being the sacrificed, and it is just too sad, think about it, which parent would want to put his or her offspring through H-E-L-L, aren’t you parents supposed to love and protect us, the kids???

Hot Flashes

A “supposed” symptom of “menopause”, but I had experienced it with my freaking cycle, I would get hot all of a sudden, and nothing can cool me down, it feels like my body’s on fire, well, mainly my head, and it is really uncomfortable, and I do NOT wish to experience it EVER again, but I probably will, so, there is, once again, no use in hoping!!!

I hate having these hot flashes, because it feels like I would have to be hosed down with ice water, which is why I wanted to move up to the North Pole and live in an igloo, in the past, but knowing how hot (physically) I’d get, I would probably melt all the ice caps and quicken the effects of global warming…

I do NOT, nor do I wish to pass this stupid characteristic onto my baby girl, but I know that on top of all my symptoms, she will develop something else, that will make her even more uncomfortable than I was, and I have no choice, because it is all in the hands of this stupid “fate”!!!

I probably won’t experience “hot flashes” when I reach menopause, because I had endured through it during my “productive years”, which is good, and the same will probably happen to this non-existent child of mine, so we are still all good here!!!

Defining Moments

These are the moments in one’s life when one feels that the light bulb finally flickers on, unfortunately, it does NOT work for my article “Lights are ON, but NOBODY’S home”…

Every second of my life is a defining moment, because I let it be, you don’t have to do something outrageous for your moments to be defining, just live your days to their fullest potentials and you will be able to emulate the life of the Queen of Hearts, and that is a great way to live, which I will continue to use for the next 100 years, at least, I’m thinkin’ boy, it’s going to be a long long long ride, so buckle up and come along for a thrill ride!!!

If You’ve Seen One, You’ve Seen Them All

This is another “LAW” of the whatever’s, it applies to everything and everyone’s life.  Apples are apples, no matter if they are Granny Smith, Delicious Golden, or Washington Red!!!

This is mainly my way of describing those “sons” of mine, I have only three, thank Heavens, and I am so glad that I had never been on a date in all my 26 short years, think about how much SHIT I would have to endure if I had “dates”???

This is yet, another law in the land of the Queen of Hearts, and that is the truth and it is a F-A-C-T!!!  Unless, one of you out there would like to prove me wrong, I would love to hear from ya!!!

Men and Competition

It seems odd, to me, that all the men in my personal life, mainly my Old Man A-S-S and his soon-to-be ex-son-in-law, are both so afraid of competition, it is just so bizarre, I had to reassure the big baby, on numerous occasions that I only compete with myself, and that he does NOT have to worry about me beating “her”, and finally convinced “her” too, thank heavens!!! Why the hell are you males so afraid of getting beaten by us, you men compete with each other every single day, on your jobs, in sports, and whatever else that it is that you dudes do, don’t know, and frankly, I don’t give a D-A-M-N!!!

Bottom line: stop worry about being “beaten” by us “women-folk” it’s NOT like we can’t whoop your asses, and still can’t understand why the H-E-L-L you sissies are so afraid of your mothers, I thought when you did something wrong, it was your daddies who gave you a butt-whoopin’!!!

Footprints

Something I read on a pamphlet, magnet, or something…

Some man, died and gone to heaven, and saw God, God showed him a “movie” of his life, and there were always two sets of footprints, and when it got to the hardest parts of this dude’s life, there was only one, and this man said to God angrily: You DID abandon me, in my hardest hours, there was only ONE set of footprints…to which, God replied: It was then, that I had carried you!!!

We leave our footprints in the sand, but eventually, the tide would rise, and wash it away, just like we leave wet footprints when we run inside the house after playing out in the rain as children…You need to start leaving footprints on the hearts of those around you, footprints are merely a way of being touched by others.  Let me put this way for those of you (idiots, my apologies) who still can’t get it: you can leave a “footprint” in someone’s hearts by helping them out, by a simple smile at a stranger on the streets, so to sum up, “footprints” are a kind of nonverbal communication, at least that is how the QUEEN sees it, for those of you who disagrees, OFF WITH YOUR HEADS, just kidding!!! (Hahaha)…

Utopia

This is an idea, a perfect place, where there is NO outside badness, in other words, it is similar to the ideas of the Garden of Eden, in the Bible, although, there was NO snake and no temptation involved…

We all want to find this place on the Planet Earth, or maybe Mars, if people migrated there sometime in the next I don’t know…based off of MY understandings, Utopia can only be found in your minds, I had found mine, it is that place of quiet, of peace, that I was able to go to, to meditate when there is too much noises from without…

My “Utopia” would consist of music, writing, books, and some other stuff, what would yours have???

Utopia

This is an idea, a perfect place, where there is NO outside badness, in other words, it is similar to the ideas of the Garden of Eden, in the Bible, although, there was NO snake and no temptation involved…

We all want to find this place on the Planet Earth, or maybe Mars, if people migrated there sometime in the next I don’t know…based off of MY understandings, Utopia can only be found in your minds, I had found mine, it is that place of quiet, of peace, that I was able to go to, to meditate when there is too much noises from without…

My “Utopia” would consist of music, writing, books, and some other stuff, what would yours have???

If I were to Die Tomorrow

If I were to die tomorrow, which I know, for a fact, will NOT happen, because there are still too much shit, injustices, that I need to correct!!!  I would NOT have a single regret…

I know that my time on here is NOT even close to being over yet, I will have to live until I am at least 100 years old, because I still have so much work I need to do, and it will NEVER be completed until I take my last breath!!!

If I were to die tomorrow, I would smile and say to myself: hey hon, you had done so much good to change the world, to make it better, you had made so many people smile and laugh with your witty sense of humor, and you had left a deep impression on all of those who you had come across and continue to make a difference to all those who will eventually come across your writings, congratulations, sweetheart, you had finally become one of the greats, at least in your own life!!! (Narcissistic & Altruistic)…inner child is still here…hey young lady, sit still, until the class’s over!!!

 So to recap: if I were to DIE tomorrow, I would NOT have any regrets, now can you say the same about your lives???  If so, KUDOS, but if not, what are you going to do about it???  What the HELL are y’all still sitting on your fat asses, reading this, get out and do some damage right now, and that is a DIRECT ORDER, from GENERAL Q-U-E-E-N!!!

The Sound of Silence

All I hear now

Is the sound of silence

I listen to music every single day

This sound of silence

Is actually achieved by meditation

Hear it, Follow it, and you will find that peace of mind, like I finally had…

The Crucible

By Arthur Miller, I think, can no longer recall, read it sometime in H.S. it is about the stupidity of people, once again, I mean, Goody Proctor, the good wife of Mr. Proctor, with whom the main character, a girl, had an “affair” with, and that bitch, the girl, started spreading rumors on how Mr. Proctor’s wife, Goody, was practicing witchcraft, and Tituba, the African slave who had taken care of the main character did something to piss her off, and she, too, was accused of witchcraft and hanged to her death, and this all occurred because of the lack of knowledge, just because you voodoo dolled your exes, don’t make you a “witch”, you can’t kill somebody with that sort of shit, unless, chance has it that whoever you had voodoo-ed, walked out on the streets without looking at the light and got hit by an eighteen-wheeler or something!!!

So once again, I have to say: WISE UP & STOP BELIEVING IN THESE STUPID SUPERSTITIONS!!!

One of Us Wins the Battle, We Both Lose the War

This is what would happen if this shit keeps going, because it is a lose-lose situation for you, mainly, because you will not only lose this chance to have this daughter, you will also lose me, and I could care less, because I am totally hardened up by life, what I need from you now, is tell me, to my face, that you do NOT want this baby girl, and I promise you, that I will walk away, and I will NEVER again look back, so if you keep this shit up, you will be the one end up losing everything “honey”…

So the above statement is actually FALSE, for I had already won all my battles and wars, and I have nothing, I repeat N-O-T-H-I-N-G left to lose and I still have the world to gain!!!  Don’t screw with me, Mr. for I am TOUGHER than H-E-L-L!!!  It’s like talking to my “son” if I had one of those, I would really HANG myself, with a noose, the way that they did it back in the Salem Witch Trials, which again, is total BULLSHIT!!!

Pulled Me Off of My Life Support

My mother had pulled the plug off of my “oxygen machine”, the way that my family should have done back when I was at age seven!!!  She unplugged the Internet Service that we had originally signed up for, if you can believe it, because she “thinks” that writing and posting my blog entries are making me crazy, when she failed to realize that she is the main source of my mental illness, but what can I say, some things and people NEVER learn or change, but hey she is still my “mother” and she had given me life, and there is NOTHING I could do to change that now…and THIS is going on in my so-called “family”, which is why I HATE my family!!!  Because she NEVER listens…